Have you ever found yourself thinking:
“I’ll never get to do that.”
“I can’t achieve this feat.”
“I feel like a fraud. What if I mess it up?”
If so, you’re not alone. We all have an inner voice that doesn’t always have the best intentions.
Regardless of who you are, where you come from, or what goals you aspire to achieve, your inner critic will have a few things to say. The question is, can we do anything about it?
What Is Your Inner Voice?
Your inner voice is the small but vocal critic that never misses to point out your flaws, mistakes you’ve made in the past, or errors you’re apt to make in the future. Often, the inner critic points out the devastating consequences you will have to deal with when you eventually fail.
According to some sources, our inner voice is responsible for the ever-growing anxiety rates (1). While numerous things can affect a person’s anxiety levels, one significant factor is our interpretation of various events. In other words, what happens is one thing, but how we perceive it could be vastly different.
Your inner critic often encourages black-or-white thinking. Psychologists refer to such thoughts as cognitive distortions: mental filters or biases that promote anxiety, bring feelings of helplessness, and make us feel bad about ourselves (2).
One notable example of such thinking is the all-or-nothing mindset. Instead of looking at a situation objectively, you lie to yourself and come up with an unreasonably low estimation of your skills and abilities.
For instance, you’re dieting, and everything is going well. But then, you slip up and have a big meal at a fast food restaurant. Then, instead of moving forward and forgetting about it, you begin to obsess over your mistake and start seeing yourself as a failure.
How to Silence Your Inner Critic Once And For All
Dealing with your inner critic is no easy job, but the process is straightforward, and it comes down to focusing on three key areas:
Have you ever heard the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”? This is because the people making up your social circle significantly shape your attitude, outlook, goals, and self-perception.
The people you surround yourself with can provide your inner critic with a big stage to torment you or silence that know-it-all, giving you a much-needed break.
Spending time with toxic people is an excellent way to feel worse. Such people are quick to point out flaws in others, blame people for their mistakes, and bring everyone down to their level. The more time you spend with such people, the more likely you will feel worse about yourself.
But, just as toxic people can bring you down and give your inner critic a loudspeaker, spending time with kind, ambitious, and compassionate people can have the opposite effect. Being around positive people is a great way to start focusing on your better qualities, feel good about yourself, and not let your inner critic control your life.
So, looking at your social circle is the first step to crushing your inner critic and gaining control of your anxiety. Are you surrounded by kind and ambitious people who bring out the best in you, or do you always feel drained and discouraged when you get home?
The unfortunate reality is that stress can increase feelings of anxiety and contribute to a negative self-perception (3). It can rob you of your creativity, affect your productivity, and make you question yourself.
Some believe avoiding stress is the best way to lead a healthy and happy life. But, sadly, doing so is impossible because life is unpredictable. Even when everything is going well, it’s only a matter of time before something throws you off balance. Plus, what kind of a life would you lead by constantly running away from problems?
Learning how to manage your stress more effectively is a much better approach. Since you can’t avoid it, you might as well learn to keep it under control. Here are a few effective tactics:
All goals are similar in one aspect: you must get clear on what you want to achieve and pursue the outcome with great consistency and passion. The problem is that most people set easy and ‘safe’ goals that don’t require as much work or dedication.
Pursuing big goals is scary and can make you feel like an imposter occasionally. But, after all, who are you to shoot for the stars?
Interestingly, setting big goals could be what you need to silence your inner critic and build the confidence to take the driver’s seat in your life.
First, big goals require time, focus, and effort. Your mind is occupied with work instead of wandering and coming up with all the reasons why you can’t do something.
Second, even if you fail to achieve a big goal, you will still progress in that direction and will likely be much more successful than if you always play it safe and pick small objectives. Third, confidence will help you object to your inner critic and realize that you can do great things as long as you apply yourself.
Coach Michael
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